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  • Women Are from Bras, Men Are from Penus (The Definitive Mars and Venus Parodies Book 1)!
  • IT SHOULD BE CALLED 'DICKHEAD': Why Jon Peters' Book Proposal Sets New Low.

What a triumphant return it was for the erstwhile muff dyer, now the consort of the Queen of Gotham. Stark, best friend of investment banker Herbert Allen, basically controlled Columbia Pictures. No one was a bigger king- or queen-maker. To Jon, there was nothing funny about Ray Stark. In another small world Hollywood coincidence, it turned out that Stark, an ogre of male chauvinistic casting-couch sexual entitlement, had molested both Lesley Ann and Barbra when they were auditioning for him, and neither had ever really gotten over it.

Instead of shaking his hand on first introduction, he picked the tiny mogul up as if he were a puppet and swung him around the room, then, to keep Stark completely nonplussed, placed him gently onto the couch. Jon concluded with an all-knowing smirk. Jon was playing his own power game with the supposedly omnipotent Stark.

Jon never said a word about the rapes, but he was confident that Stark knew that Jon knew how evil Stark had been. Stark had treated Barbra as his chattel; now Jon gave Barbra the courage to break from him. Jon learned the valuable lesson that fear of physical violence was a more potent negotiating tool in Hollywood than all the illusory gross points in the world.

In this insulated, privileged world, muscle talked even louder than money, and Jon Peters would use that muscle to elbow his way to the top of an otherwise effete business. He also wanted to make Barbra over to be cool and hip, not just a Broadway icon. Here was his chance to have it all, and the great salesman sold Barbra on doing something completely different, just as he was. The only problem was that Jon could not read it. The showdown script meetings between the reformatory dropout and the snobby intellectual Dunnes was the stuff of farce.

The dropout won. He fired the Dunnes and went through draft after draft with the biggest scribes in the business. More than a dozen A listers competed in the Writers Guild arbitration. He and Barbra flew to Vegas to court the King. The meeting was terribly awkward at the start. Elvis was insulted that Barbra had once slighted him when he came backstage on Broadway to pay his respects to her. Barbra never even looked at him and just kept painting her nails.

Deeply embarrassed, Barbra apologized profusely, explaining that she was speechless with awe and too intimidated to even look at the King. Jon helped the two shy superstars break the ice, but, in the end, Colonel Tom Parker vetoed the idea. No way would the all-protective Colonel allow Elvis play a loser who committed suicide, as the script had it.

When Barbara Walters did a television special on the film, she invited Jon alone to her New York apartment for a pre-interview interview. But Jon Peters was the wrong guy to try to emasculate. David Begelman was running Columbia at the time. His imminent Bernie Madoffian embezzlement of the studio would become the subject of the bestseller Indecent Exposure. Jon had an ace to play with Begelman. From his hairdresser days, Jon had accumulated a treasure trove of Hollywood gossip. In short, Peter was pure class, not Society WASP class, which was as alien to Jon and to Hollywood as Mars, but refined respectability that made Peter a charter member of the showbiz establishment.

In short, Peter Guber was in the one and only club that Jon wanted desperately to join. Three years older than Jon, Peter was the big brother, or even father, Jon dreamed of having. Jon longed for family above all else, for that was his biggest loss, his biggest heartbreak.

Peter had brains and education; Jon had brains and balls. Peter was the prototype of the cold, faceless suits, the MBAs who would take over Hollywood in the years ahead. Peter was the first of the suits. Jon liked these suits because they were so different and because they thought he was cool. She was drawn to a wild man like Jon, just as Peter was. She thrived on the fearlessness, the passion, the risks, the battles, with others as well as with herself. When Isaac Gellis spoke, people in Brooklyn listened.

The repressed Peter had never dared make a move on his star. The fact that that Jon had, and succeeded at it, impressed Peter to no small degree. Such are the values of Hollywood. Peter Guber was having his own rock fling with Neil Bogart, the profane, coked-out Casablanca Records kingpin who discovered Donna Summer. He had no further to look than Jon. This ship sank, though the film went on to be a cult classic. Next up in was Brooke Shields in Endless Love , a flop everywhere except the gay community, which embraced it.

What a joke. Then, to create the illusion that he was just playing, as he had with Ray Stark, Jon kissed Diller on the cheek. Unamused, Diller swore to Jon that he would never work again in this town, which Jon laughed off as a joke. The high-style crowd, many Brooke Shields fans, actually cheered Jon, before the normally unflappable Diller was dragged away in shock.

Still, he remained her best friend. When Barbra was planning to play a hooker in Nuts , Jon took her to spend time with his dear friend, Madam Alex, the supermadam to the stars and mentor of Heidi Fleiss. Jon had met Alex and all the top call girls in his hairdresser days. They were fixtures at his salons, and they provoked a nostalgia for his early days doing pubic hair.

Jon invited the square, besuited Semel to his ranch and gave him a taste of the Malibu-Streisand luxe life, a taste suits tend to find irresistible. Now Semel had ascended to the throne of Warners, along with former accountant Bob Daly, and Semel set up pal Jon, and his new partner Guber, with a lavish production deal on the Warner lot. Barbra loved her. Each film was a mini drama in itself. The highlight of Purple for Jon was his championing of Oprah Winfrey, an unlikely casting choice as a regional television hostess with no acting credentials.

Oprah and Jon remained close until the present time, where they are good neighbors in Santa Barbara. Jon took a lot of credit for that hit, especially in his heroic efforts to sell Jack Nicholson on playing the Joker. Jon had bonded completely with Jack and partied hard with him on The Witches of Eastwick ; now Jon had to top himself. Another shared similarity was that Kim was also part Cherokee. Otherwise, she was pure screen goddess, the hottest women on celluloid at the time. She had rung up every milestone possible in the pulchritude sweepstakes.

Like so many on-set affairs, the honeymoon tends to be over soon after the premiere. Not even Jon could turn her into the superstar she expected to be fast enough. In the end, she did it all on her own. Pygmalion that he was, Jon loved to do makeovers on all his women. But he thought the Barbie doll-like Canadian was perfect just as she was and did his best to dissuade her from getting breast implants and other plastic surgeries that she thought were de rigueur for stardom.

This was one argument Jon could not win. More was more. It turned out she was right. Jon stayed in love with her. It made the current excesses of AIG and Citibank look like the austerity of monks.

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The duo bought his and his estates in jet set Aspen, deductible as entertainment expenses, as half of Hollywood gamboled there. They even bought their own bank, Bel Air Savings and Loan, and sold out for a huge windfall months before that industry collapsed in scandal that never touched the charmed pair. The story of how Walter and Jon, the two wild men of the entertainment business, were able to pull off the biggest deal in the history of movies, by selling Columbia to the super uptight Japanese of SONY, is the great culture-clash comedy of big business, a Hollywood version of Barbarians at the Gate , and far more barbaric.

Now they were ready to become world class moguls, and Walter Yetnikoff was their enabler in this addiction to power. Obsessed with real estate, like any true Californian, Jon decided he would become the next Conrad Hilton by buying the San Ysidro Ranch, the most exclusive, expensive hotel in the country, where Jack and Jackie Kennedy had honeymooned.

Hotels were out. So were theme parks. Thus Jon and Peter turned back to films, but this time the two Midases seemed to have lost their touch. With Barbra in her directorial debut and refusing to sing, which would have at least lowered the risk of a wipeout, everyone else in town had said no way. The parties Jon gave for his new little girls became the hottest ticket in town, because Jackson loved to perform for Jon. Jon announced his plans to sign Michael to Columbia in the biggest deal in history, to do records, film, videos, theme parks, whatever he wanted. I will not excerpt it here.

Who in Hollywood wants to share credit with anyone? It was the worst betrayal for Jon since his mother had delivered him to the cops and to reform school. The main man turned out to be the hatchet man. Schulhof got Jon alone and told him he was out as co-chairman of Columbia. In the interests of efficiency, ever-efficient, all-controlling Tokyo needed to sever the co-chairmanship that it had paid a fortune to create.

Jon would be a super-producer, working from home. He loved being chairman, just as he loved Peter. The brotherhood was over. Weeks later, Jon was finally able to get Pete face to face. Hard Core Copy. Hard to Stop. Hardcore Circus. Hardcore Debutantes 5. Harder Way. Harem Girls. Haunted Nights. Hawaii Vice. Hawaii Vice 2 - The Deadly Game. Hawaii Vice 8 - The Solution. He Said She Said.

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